I had a conversation with a friend of mine yesterday going through a break up. He was telling me about the straw that broke the camels back and the crux of the issue. Aside from the classic reason of ‘just growing apart’ he was saying that his partner had the world at his feet - a great job, a great family, citizenship (as he’s trying to get permanent residency at the moment so sees stability in Australia as the gold egg) and all the boxes ticked that he would define as equating to ‘happiness’... but was still unhappy. The frequency of the two then weren’t vibrating at the same level and my friend became increasingly frustrated with the fact that he couldn’t understand why his partner seemingly had it all and was treating life as though it wasn’t giving him anything in return.
I am no relationship expert - at all, in fact it’s an area of life I feel incredibly amateur in.. but what I do often have in this space outside of my own circumstances that gives a bit of perspective when it comes to sharing advice is clarity. Just being able to see what it is for what it is and maybe a bit further below the surface to that as well. With that, I just said to my friend, you might define happiness as what is in your ex’s backyard but it won’t be up to you to open his eyes to that or donate your definition to him, he’ll have to identify and feel that within himself on his own terms. Until that happens, a lot of people in the same boat will struggle to find, feel and accept love.
I saw this quote on Instagram the other day that said ‘you only accept the love you think you deserve’ and I think this draws back a lot to the above scenario and an inability to be loved or give love until you accomplish self love.
You might remember last week I shared with you how I put together my New Year goals categorically and I’m happy to say I’ve gazed over them a fair few times since it struck the 1st of January this year. I feel like the more they’re visited the more they become closer to reality and so far I don’t think there’s any on there that are scaring the living daylights out of me...all except one.
Under the category of ‘Mindset’ I jotted down a goal to improve self love. It seems so simple doesn’t it - just give yourself a little bit of what you so freely give to everyone else? Yet it’s the cup that is usually the hardest for us to fill up. If you asked a number of people to name all the things they love how long would it take to name themselves?
Daily self love, respect and appreciation should be just as habitual as brushing your teeth. In my own personal experience I have watched a lack of these critical needs see a settle in me that I know is so foreign from who I am naturally. Different stages of your life that climatically change the degree of self love you have for yourself and/or challenge it can be the greater of two evils when it comes to putting your best foot forward as your better self.
I know for me, I am an absolute goose in the relationship space when decision making if self love is at a critical low. It can be so hard to refuel self love and know where to start so my advice is - and how I am tackling this challenge of all challenges on my New Years resolution list is with a simple step by step. So you’ve got your inner and outer, your soul love and your physical love. Take steps forward identifying the two as separate but connected. In the area of physical self love better this through better habits, instead of lounging around when you get home from work get outdoors and do something active. Start your day with movement, make your diet 80% whole food and 20% soul food #Equalution rather than the other way around. Give more love to your soul and who you are by reminding yourself of your better attributes, why the world is different with you in it and if you’re the armour that cops criticism then instead of taking it personally learn to associate unsolicited fire with someone elses pain that doesn’t belong to you.
Self love is an attribute that increases someones attractiveness. There’s nothing more wildly sexy than someone who can stand on their own two feet in confidence and certainty, bulletproof to any bullshit. But at the end of the day, no matter how full someones cup of self love is it’s always and always should be a work in progress… as you evolve you’re never done loving yourself, you’ll need to adjust your vision to suit the new you.
I guess we’re all in it together but you’re not required to keep pace with anyone along the way. Move with you for you and let the magic you accrue along the way in becoming sure of the best you there is be shared with those that see it too.
“No one is you, and that is your superpower”.
