I can't fucking do it... & what that taught...

If you speak with any successful person they’ll often tell you of daily habits they do consistently, on repeat and swear by them. 

Day in and day out, no matter what the day looks like, these little non-negotiables are practiced religiously - rain, hail or shine.

One of those that is spoken about so often that you almost feel incredibly fomo for not being part of the craze is meditation.

Do you know what my experience with meditation is? I can’t fucking do it and it shits the living daylights out of me.

My mind is like a packet of skittles, sitting in a quiet place trying to sort the colours into their coordinated piles and blocking out the ‘head noise’ I just find BLOODY IMPOSSIBLE

So this morning after my morning walk I gave it a crack again, in the best possible place - on a rock by the beach opposite my house in South Coogee. The ducks were aligned for a perfect session of meditation and the old scatterbrain just couldn’t get it together and be still. 

I just kick myself every time I try...

I mean, I might continue to give it a go - I won’t throw in the towel all together, but upon reflection on the wander back home after yet again another failed attempt I had a thought.. 💭 

Meditation might just look a little different for me. It might not be the conventional sitting down, eyes closed, blocking out the noise and having a transcendental experience. Maybe a meditative state for me might be that hour a day I walk and think, or don’t think and just be. Maybe it’s that session in the gym where I just don’t think about work for a hot minute and pay my dues to my body. Maybe it’s reading, maybe it’s just a moment of watching a sunrise and just giving gratitude… Maybe it’s just what feels like mediation for me. 

We have ideas of how things are ‘supposed to be’, how they should look. But the real self acceptance, coming into your own and getting rid of moments of beating yourself up really comes when you just learn what YOUR VERSION of the ‘supposed to be’ is and accepting the difference as being okay.

So as my love-hate relationship with meditation continues I’m already grateful for the little lesson that came from this morning’s failure, that I’ve now decided isn’t really a failure it’s just different… and that’s okay.